Mirabile Muse

There is an evil tree growing inside you

In your chest

The roots reach deep

Winding through your lungs

(Do you feel them with every breath?)

Blind fingers, groping, gripping

Exploring every crevice

Clutching at your heart

Sinking deeper they infiltrate your pancreas

And liver,

And gall bladder

Sucking up all your strength.



And the branches reach up into your head,

And all your thoughts are the sounds of rattling leaves,

Dead on their twigs.

And in your mouth you bear

The bitter fruit.

And with every word you speak

The vile seeds spray forth

Seeking another

fertile

host

~ DarkPool9
05/21/06 

Loony Times News:

Aliens Contact Man Through Fork

Mr. Fritz Pommes claims that he’s been chosen to speak for aliens from tiurF.

Allegedly he was first contacted when he ordered fruit salad from McDoodle’s restaurant a week and a half ago. The fast food restaurant served him a salad that Pommes says was completely devoid of fresh fruit. After trying to unsuccessfully spear the strange waxy squares of canned fruit onto his fork, Pommes claims that the fork began to vibrate and hum until he put it right up to his ear. A voice directed him to complain and ask for freshly grown organic fruit. Pommes complied, and at the counter he was handed complimentary packets of sugar and ketchup. Back at his table the fork stabbed the packets until the table looked as though a party of six year olds had just finished up their lunch. While talking to his fork, Pommes was escorted out of the restaurant by McDoodle’s employees.

The next morning, Pommes told channel 7 news that the tiurF were demanding that all McDoodle’s serve organically grown fruits and vegetables. No transfats, lard, or beef allowed. If these demands were not met within one week, the tiurF would intervene by bringing their own WMDs.”

He next called Doprah Sinfree about appearing on her show. Allegedly, in the middle of the conversation, Pommes heard a certain Mr. Bumsfeld ordering the line traced. Fifteen minutes later, the National Agency of Paranoia arrived to search his home. When asked for a warrant, NAP said it was a matter of national safety and he had no rights in the interest of Foamland security and the war on errors. NAP confiscated 12 boxes of organic vegetables and a fork.

President Mush ordered the National Gourds to encircle every McDoodle’s in the country in a stand against the evil empire of the tiurF’s. “We will act against any subversive actions against the great principles that make this country great. Evilness will be rooted out at the roots. Er, core. Roots of the core. Not as in apple core, of course….”

President Mush was hustled away by his advisors, though Snarl Wove was conspicuously absent due to his as-yet-to-be-reported-in-the-media indictment. Protesters (with signs like: Don’t Panic, they just want Organic) were handing out organic strawberries to the National Gourdsmen who were also being bombarded by free deep-fried zucchini from McDoodle’s. Healthy and all vegetarian, they claimed. Except for the beef fat they were fried and refried in. (The same fat still being recycled from the original McDoodle’s.)

When Pommes. continued to warn the country about the upcoming deadline from the tiurF’s, he was eventually hustled into custody and booked into Fawntanamo Way. When the news service inquired as to the date of trial, they were promptly told that he didn’t exist.

The tiurF deadline was less than 24 hours away. Paranoia ensued. Even Stick (‘em up) Zany was seen in the ranks of the Gourdsmen, shooting at a Noodle McDoodle clown placard. “I thought it was a tiurF,” he was quoted as saying. But still, McDoodle’s refused to change its menu.

The security alert codes went into Fuschia mode. Airports shut down service, schools closed, and the whole country ducked and covered. President Mush gave his last speech: “My fellow citizens, democracy will prevail…the axis of evil will not be allowed to flourish in our great empire. These tiurF’s misunderestimate us--” and he promptly disappeared into his bunker. Meanwhile Ponderweeza Twice was standing bravely at the White House, speech in hand, awaiting the invasion of the tiurF’s.

At precisely 3 AM EST, a massive blackout rippled across the country. All the forks began to rattle and shake with a voice that came up through each pointy tine, booming through every house in the country: “We are coming.”

Sunday morning dawned clear and sunny. The citizens of the fair Youessofay awoke rejoicing that their lives were spared. But what a sight met their eyes. Every single McDoodle’s was gone. No more golden haunches. No more Noodle McDoodle. No more humongo burgers. In their place were shining geodesic domes, each one topped with solar panels and a sign that read: Wholegrain Meatless Dining.

President Mush immediately called a press conference. “My fellow citizens, as I said before, the tiurF’s misunderestimated us. And since I’m the commander here, I don’t have to explain anything.”

Before long, Doprah Sinfree was able to track down Mr. Pommes for an interview on her Monday afternoon show. “Tell me, Mr. Pommes,” Doprah said. “Do you think the tiurF’s left us with a message?”

Pommes held up a fork. “Best we should ask the fork.”

The tines vibrated and a voice rang out. “Never underestimate the power of WMDs.”

~ Dreamer of the Wild
05/19/06